Body
by mirespena
Summary: Sometimes parts don't make up a whole.


A/N: I feel so angsty right now.

**Disclaimer:**I do not own Bleach or any of the characters mentioned in this story.

**Title: **Body

**Summary: **Sometimes parts don`t make up a whole.

**Spoilers:** No, it`s actually kinda AU.

**Characters:** Ichigo Kurosaki, Isshin Kurosaki, Renji Abarai, Coyote Starrk, Grimmjow Jeagerjaquez, mentions of Rukia Kuchiki, Karin Kurosaki, Uryuu Ishida

**Rating:** T (+?)

* * *

1. Denial

'Hey, did you know that blue is the coldest colour on the palette?'

He raises his eyes from the painting he was working on and looks at me, _looks at me _as if I were stupid. I probably was. I probably am.

'Duh. I`m a fucking art major.'

'And do you know what colour`s its complementary?'

'Green.'

I laugh. Hard. But then I look at him, _look at him_ and see he`s dead serious. I`m taken aback for a bit.

'Umm, no, it`s actually...'

'Shut the fuck up, Kurosaki.'

* * *

2. Bleach

My eyes burn. My throat is raw. My hands are shaking. I don`t want to be here. I don`t want to see this. Renji looks at me sympathetically and pats my shoulder. I push him away. I don`t want his pity.

I want bleach. I want to pluck my eyeballs out and dip them in bleach. I want to cleanse everything, to make everything right and pure and white again.

Renji sighs and asks me something unnecessary, and I don`t answer him because it`s a stupid question and he knows it. I know he knows and I know he understands.

'Ichi...'

'Shut up, Ren.'

On his computer screen is a live webcast of hardcore porn. His eyes beg me not to tell Rukia, and I won`t. I know how crazy she gets and I wish the love of my life were this jealous about me watching porn, too. But no, he`s too busy fucking a random chick so hard she`ll get whiplash and broadcasting it on the web.

'Ichi, I`m sorry, I...'

'Renji. I`m going home.'

.

He comes home after two hours or so, completely spent. I ask him what`s her name. He`s silent. His eyes are so dark now they`re almost ultramarine. Almost like Ishida`s. I grab a duffel bag and start packing. Before I open the door, I look back at him. His eyes are still dark. I want to pluck _his _eyeballs out and dip them in bleach, to make them Egyptian blue again. That shade I fell so in love with.

I leave him. I go back to my place.

.

The next day, Dad wakes me up. Gently, like never before.

'Ichigo...I don`t know what happened. An anonymous donation just came in. We can afford Karin`s spine surgery.'

He starts crying. Gently, like never before. His teardrops bleach my sheets.

'She`ll walk again. My baby girl`ll walk again. Maybe she`ll play football again, Ichi.'

My world goes blank and I cry with him.

* * *

3. Blood

A phone call wakes me up in the middle of the night. I don`t need to look at the caller ID to know it`s him, Yuzu or Karin or Renji or Rukia or even goat-face would`ve waited until morning. He probably wants sex. Well, if he wanted it so badly, he would`ve showed up without calling anyway.

_It rings and rings._

I`m not in the mood for phone sex, either.

It rings and rings and it_ hits me_. He`s never this insistent. So I pick up.

.

There`s so much blood. Red, red, red everywhere.

A stupid accident, they say. A chainsaw gone mad. One of his colleagues holds _something_ scarlet in a napkin and I instantly go to the nearest trashcan and throw up my entire digestive system.

How was that even possible? It`s been less than two days that I`ve felt _that_ over me, on me, _in me_.

It even surprises me that I manage to croak out something intelligible.

'W-why me? Why?'

His colleague – Hyena? Jackal? What was his name again? – shrugs and he seems old and tired. He`s fed up.

'He was delirious. He`d lost a lot of blood. He talked and talked and I picked up something about calling someone who`d love him with or without fingers. '

'All..All right, but why me?'

He gives me a lazy smile and I remember my mom.

'You were the only one on his contact list.'

* * *

4. Better times

He`s holding my hand for the third time in our lives. His voice is rough and raspy, as if he`s been crying his soul out.

'Ichigo, baby. Baby, hold on.'

It`s the second time he calls me by my given name. Usually, it`s either 'Kurosaki' or some endearment, like 'baby' or 'honey' or 'kitten'.

'Baby, don`t leave me, don`t give up, they`re on their way.'

I hear sirens and voices. Loudly and clearly. And shouting and crying and screaming and I realize it`s me.

'Shit. Baby, Ichi, please, please, please, don`t die on me. Don`t leave me now, please.'

The fourth time he`s ever said 'please'.

Strong hands put me on a stretcher and I`m beginning to feel sleepy. I still hear sounds, but now it`s more like background noise. He grabs my hand and I hear his voice for what I know`ll be the last time.

'Ichigo. Baby. I love you.'

It`s the first time.


End file.
